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Why are you smiling?

Have you ever heard the expression, never let the right hand know what the other is doing?

 Let me explain, the theory is make sure you keep everything in its place. If you separate the business and the personal, it allows you to keep things smooth, and successfully manage interpersonal relationships. This is especially true when it comes to money. So, what do you do when you are married to someone who employs that strategy when it comes to your marriage, vital information, and the money?!

Money is not necessarily the primary issue if this is going on in your relationship, but who couldn’t use more than they have? You begin to notice that when the two of you do argue over money, she keeps an unconcerned attitude. Eventually, the tensions escalate and you are embroiled in a full scale blow-out. You tell her you do everything that you can to make her happy, up to and including buying the things that she wants. (uh-oh).

 She says “ I don’t need you to do anything for me sweetie”, and smiles that smile you know leads to bad news.

Your wife has been stashing cash on the back end, in a “rainy day account”.

Now you understand why every time you screw up she smiles. You have just realized its because she knows she is going to double her deposit this week, and you will be too consumed with your own foolery to know any better.

This account is also known as, “he’s got me fucked up, and I have to show him a thing or two, that I don’t need you and I have my own shit so you can just go live with your new woman account”.

Question, are you pissed or are you glad that she was financially savvy enough to plan?

In this instance, I am a bit of a hypocrite. I both agree and disagree, but let me be more specific. I agree that she should have her independence and individuality. I do not agree that she should have a secret account. My good friend Nat says “separate does not equal secret”.

If said wife, was my wife, we would have a damn problem.

  1. So, you been skimming the bill maybe net or naw?
  2. There is this little thing called misappropriation of funds, so now I need some of that money back.
  3. Why don’t I know how much money you make?

Dear wife,

You have been stealing and lying. You have basically decided that you needed money more than we needed money, and now I hope you have a good reason. I now need you to prove that none of the money in your secret stash landed there as a result of re-purposing the cash that I contributed to the household. I also want to know what other secrets you have been keeping. Don’t let me find out that you are secretly a madam and have not given me an opportunity to invest in the business or test the merchandise. That is foul. Just saying you have to believe in your product. (Kidding mostly).

Sincerely Husband

P.S. Seriously the issue is that you are saying that you have no faith in our relationship nor its longevity.

To my daughters, hi-five baby girl

Dad is so proud of you! You listened to the things that I said to you over and over as you grew up.

Remember what I told you

  1. Never let anyone convince you that you don’t need to make your own money.
  2. Do not let yourself become accustomed to a lifestyle that you are not able to provide for yourself
  3. Keep one eye on the prize and the other one on him.

You have no idea how much you have comforted me with the knowledge that you have not left your future to the success of that shiftless fool that you married. It is my absolute opinion that all women should enter a relationship fully prepared to care for themselves financially, should the situation present itself. Take care that the majority of the preparation happens before the relationship begins.

Young women, don’t enter relationships with anyone who does not represent the goals you have for yourself, but you must also possess those qualities. Think of it this way, if you can afford steak for dinner every night, you are not going to turn up at McDonald’s, unless you are feeling nostalgic for days when you ate ramen out of styrofoam and drank 40’s on the porch while wearing your headscarf.

 

9 comments

    1. Well I would not say that it is illogical, after all we teach this to our daughters. I would say, however, that perhaps this may not be the best strategy after you have already been down the aisle.

  1. So insightful and for many women it’s a hard pill to swallow when things don’t go as planned especially when you have built a life together. Always always prepare for a rainy day

  2. I’m still torn I think, because if husband had a secret account that I didn’t know about I am
    Going to be mad! However, having a separate account also allows you to still have some identity outside of the relationship! This is really a smh situation!

    1. I think timing, and where the money is coming from is the crucial issue. If this is your extra money, say if you allow yourself so much money to spend and you don’t, then you should be able to save it how you want. But if you are letting one person pay most of the bills so you can keep your money..that is just not hot.

  3. All money doesn’t have to be shared (so to speak), especially if you both get up each and every day to go to work to maintain your household. A joint AND separate account is the only way to go in my eyes. That separate (not secret, but separate) account allows me to have a sense of independence; let me go splurge on me and by that new purse that I have been eyeballing or head out with the girls for a spa day without feeling like I am taking from our combined savings or household money. Now secret stashes are a different story. Why are you hiding funds 🤔?

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