Heavily scripted shows are more sensationalized life situations than they are representations of what most folks would consider normal. We know the situations are orchestrated but the reactions are real. Thus, we get manufactured reality. The foundation of each episode rests on actual events happening to real people, but sometimes the outlandish behavior causes us to forget they are not fictional characters. Not only that, but they often seem forget they are real people as well. I sat dumbfounded as Simone revealed her truth in front of the cast and everyone watching, I couldn’t help but think about the unspoken narrative.
The second installment of “Married to Medicine” reunion special aired. Did you see it? The episode was shocking, to say the least. Normally, these kind of shows are my guilty pleasure and I watch them as a way to escape or remind myself that other folks have worse shit going on than me. However, this episode was a little more real than “reality T.V.” normally is. I have no words that can replicate the intensity of Simone’s emotions.
Did you see what I saw
The authenticity in her eyes and the anguish in her voice leveled me. Her refusal to accept less than she deserved as a wife broke any character-driven fantasy to the contrary of her current reality. All the cast members were in tears as she explained why an unbreakable relationship was, in fact, susceptible to same maladies that millions of others experience. We witnessed the demise of a marriage in its final stages. I believed this couple had most of the necessary elements to go the distance until I watched the episode where Simone repeatedly accused Cecil of being emotionally closed off.
Before we go any further, check out part two of the reunion.
I sat watching as Simone revealed her truth in front of the cast and everyone watching, I couldn’t help but think about the unspoken narrative.
They say it’s because…
In hindsight, isn’t that always the story. What we see on the outside of relationships is different from existing in it. I wonder how many of people at home recognized what she shared went well beyond what she articulated. I saw a real-world example of damaged personal development and how it is dividing modern marriages.
Husbands and wives have argued since the beginning of time, but there is something very different going on in contemporary marriages. People get married and bring all the broken places left unhealed from childhood into the lives of unsuspecting participants.
I think that we all know about absentee parents. I have heard it so often I am now tempted to roll my eyes when the expression is unleashed into a conversation. Yet, there is still validity to the correlation between a positive example and the lack thereof.
What we do know is…
Jobs, money, success, or celebrity are not enough to heal the holes created by absentee parents. Stories of fathers that didn’t give their daughters the validation they need or their sons the requisite instruction of how to be a husband/ father are familiar narratives. Mothers who never showed their sons how women like to be treated, or their daughters how to receive/ give love in return have populated American society with children operating adult bodies. We are overrun with adultescents trying to fix traumas experienced during childhood.
How do we expect men and women to exist as complete individuals capable of sustaining life-long relationships? How do you complete a task without an adequate idea of what completion or success at that task looks like? With help, of course!
We need our young adults to heal and to solve the riddle prior to settling into long-term relationships and creating families. This means you should figure out your shit before you destroy someone else’s life. It is not okay to knowingly allow someone else to become emotionally dependent on you when you are not able to depend on yourself. You knew you had daddy/ mommy issues years ago, right?
You can’t heal what you won’t talk about
It is absolutely necessary to create an environment where authentic communication in a relationship is normalized.
True communication is so much more than just talking. True communication rises to the level of interaction between minds and hearts.
— Iyanla Vanzant (@IyanlaVanzant) March 18, 2018
This will mean that traditional notions of stoicism need to be revised and in some ways eliminated. Vulnerability does not equal emasculation.
So often successful men and women believe their success is a substitute for wholeness. They believe they can buy their way out of the process, but it actually creates an opportunity for their internal damage to be revealed in a much larger way. When we have financial peace of mind, we have more time to see things that would ordinarily escape our attention. It allows us to focus on things that make us happy or fulfilled beyond economics.
Thankfully, we are beginning to turn the corner. As evidenced by some younger adults, more men/ women are available to their children in ways that matter. More mothers/ fathers are finding the balance between parenthood and take increasingly active roles in raising children in ways that they never have before. Considering all this, we still find ourselves in a situation where there is plenty to be done, but the situation is hopeful
Always, without fail, pay attention to what you allow your ears to hear and your eyes to see.