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Welcome back everyone!

I hope you saw the question from last week.

Today’s question comes from “Way too interested Wanda“.  Wanda says ” How can I tell if my daughter is a lesbian?” Check out the short background info below.

She’s 16 and has absolutely no interest in boys her age. She occasionally comments on how “cute” women are on the television. We live in a conservative household, and I don’t want my only child to be gay!! What do I do??

We should approach this question with as much sensitivity as possible. We can only assume that this s a real question and that I am not being “punked” for lack of a better word.  Perhaps, the best way to answer this question is from a supportive  p.o.v.

Why does it matter if she is a lesbian?

As a parent, perhaps you are concerned about how the world is going to treat your daughter if this turns out to be true.  Nothing about what you provided in the background information indicates that you have a valid reason to think your daughter is a lesbian.  For the sake of argument, let’s assume you are right.  I refuse to judge you, well mostly anyway, and the fact that you say your household is “conservative” is at the very least concerning to me.  The way you phrased it implies that your household does not include your daughter.  I am going to assume that is not what you meant and stop there. #SIDEEYE

I would say to you, your time would be better spent focused on making sure that you are raising a responsible confident individual.  Kids often to learn to love themselves based primarily on parental examples.  If you treat them like something is wrong, you may end up not having to worry about how the world will treat her.  Not to be morbid, but gay kids have a really high suicide rate.

Don’t just Don’t

This may sound counter intuitive, but the worst thing that you could do is ask her.  More than likely, she is not sure about who she really is.  Pressuring her about her sexual identity at a time when she is still figuring that out is just not hot. Not to mention, she may not be sexually active.  Your invasive questions will only exacerbate an already tense situation.

This leads to my next point,  it’s impossible for her to be a lesbian if she is not having sex.  More appropriately you are concerned about her having a same-sex attraction. As mentioned before, it’s completely unfounded.  I am really sorry that you live in a mental space where the admiration for another individual, regardless of their gender, constitutes homosexuality.

Focus

 

I mean this in the nicest way possible, your kid’s sexuality is not about you.  Most importantly, this is really a non-issue.  Your job as a parent is to teach her.  Unless you are running a sexual playground in your basement, which I doubt, you are going to be teaching her about life, You will be giving her the coping skills she needs to deal with life and it’s complications.  The choices she makes once she leaves your home have no reflection on your or the job you have done as a parent.  Don’t waste this time worrying about what could be, instead focus and making sure she knows you love here and that she will always have a place in your life.

Try some of these tips.

 

I hope this helps. 😆

8 comments

  1. To Wanda. As a mom of 16yr girls my hope and focus for them is that they grow up to be smart functional adults that are prepared to enter society. Maybe it’s a good thing she isn’t out there being fast or Thoting aroundwitg every guy in school. If she is like any other 16 year old I’m sure someone new is cute every other week and she just doesn’t talk to you about it. It sounds like you could focus more on your daughters well-being and working on your relationship. It’s possible that she knows how “conservative” you consider yourself to be and keeping a lot from you. There is so much going on in the world this such a small thing to focus on. Love her unconditionally as her mother and be that person that no matter what happens she can turn to.

  2. Yea so I come from a “conservative” household as well and I find that when parents are constantly imposing their opinions on their kids , they do the direct opposite. It really is a sensitive subject. Personally, I don’t want my kids sleeping with anyone at a young age PERIOD. Teenagers don’t love one another so they would be only using them for sex and then on to the next one. I don’t want my child To be just a notch on anyone’s belt buckle for anyone. My focus is teaching them responsibility, self -love and value, keeping my daughter off the pole, and keeping my son out of jail. Now when you are of age then I will ask those questions.

    1. I think you make some good points here. I also think that when they are of age you probably wont have to ask, it will probably be obvious. Sometimes I think people get to caught up on the wrong thing. Plus do you want your kids asking questions about your sex life. I doubt it. I know i don’t, they may find out that daddy is nasty. HEHEHEHEHEH

      1. Hahah yea, but guess what since I had them and not the other way round I’m ask and I wish they would fix they lips to ask em something. I double dog dare them lol

  3. I’m sorry, but my question to this is: When you find out, what then? Are you going to start storing up food and water and build an underground survival shelter y’all can live in for the next 40 years? How is knowing one way or the other going to make a difference unless you plan on abdicating your role as her mother? Pretty much what everybody else has said, but I know that more than anything I want my child in my life. I swear it wouldn’t matter to me if he brought home Steve instead of Eve. Also, Wanda, hon, you can be conservative and not homophobic, which might be more to the point regarding your daughter’s sexuality. It doesn’t appear that you love “the gays.”

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