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IDFWU…Do I? I Haven’t Decided Yet TBH

Today’s question comes from Juan R. Juan says “IDFWU…do I? I haven’t decided yet TBH”. Let’s see what Juan has to say about his situation, and why he would like to hear from the gallery.

The situation:

I have a friend that I haven’t seen in a little over a year, which is mainly due to me. He and I were introduced by a mutual friend several years ago. We immediately hit it off and started hanging out… chillin, boxing, road trips etc. You know, doing what bro’s do. Well during his last visit, shit was different.

The problem came when this dude just could not give up the phone, gliding, snap chatting, and whatever else. I tried to deal with that, but it got worse.

Here are a few examples.

  1. I believe in being on time and normally he has good time management skills (we normally only get time off to kick it for a little while). Instead of being prompt as we normally are, I got the impression that he kept me waiting on purpose. He was usually on the phone while getting ready and then would just slow drag until he would finally say ok I’m ready.
  2. My space is enough for me and my S.O. and he knows how I am about keeping my place clean. He never was a pig before, but this trip was a mess literally; dishes left in the living room, my bathroom fucked up, clothes all over the place, etc. I was like I’m not a damn maid and this is crazy.
  3. He was tripping about little shit throughout the trip…”why can’t I smoke in the house?”, “why did you pick that club?” what made you think I would like this food?” I snapped back and told him that you left your GF at home, and I am not dealing with your shit. He chilled a little 😒. There were a few other minor nuisances, but those were my top three.

When it was FINALLY time for him to go home, I was beyond ready.

When he got home, I was like stay there. Conversations we’re different; he seemed more confrontational, but would laugh in between in trying to play it off. He became distant, but when he did reach out, it would mainly be to discuss his girlfriend. I just became more and more ‘OVER IT’ 😒.

My question is (Sorry I’m long-winded. I just wanted to give the back story before I asked my question), it has been a year, should I let bygones be bygones and give it another shot? He has talked about a plan to come out again  and truthfully it could be cool. We had good times together previous to the last visit and before his current relationship.

What would you do?

Here is our best response Juan:

Juan, if you and dude were ever really friends, you owe him another chance to make it right. This doesn’t mean that you have to invite him come to visit you.  At this point, it would probably be better if you guys tear up the town in a neutral place.  


Meet somewhere, have fun, hangout, and you both go home.  This way, you can see if you were feeling a way because you he was all up in your space and treating you like Florence from “The Jefferson’s”, or because he is just a dick and not the person he was when you guys began your friendship.



Something tells me that he knows that something is wrong and that things are not the way they were.  The only remaining question is, does he know why.  Now, I know that most people don’t believe that you should have to explain to adults why they suck, but I don’t agree.  

Some people just don’t know when they have gone too far.  Give it a shot but don’t have any expectations for how it will go.  Be committed to having a good time on your trip and let the rest take care of itself.  If you force the issue you will just be setting the stage for a big blow up.

I hope this helps  🙂 , let us know how it works out.


Gallery, what do you think.  I would like to hear your thoughts.  Can Juan work it out?


  1. Long distance friends–even every day ones–can grow apart. The time apart can expose each party to different things and therefore, introduce changes that are surprising to each other when they come together after a hiatus. Any friendship is worth a “try again.” I like the idea of meeting at a neutral place. If that doesn’t work, high-five homey and move on. Men are different. I’d tell bruh what was chappin’ my ass about “the new him.” Maybe you’ve outgrown each other. In that case, chalk it up, stop whining, and find a new bestie.

      1. Not being nasty..but as we get older we get set in our ways…we become more accustomed to having things a certain way! Shoot we work too hard! But I think most adults prefer to travel with a reservation except for close family!

    1. Right! At least pretend like you’re clean when you’re in somebody else’s space. Js.

    1. Juan sent a response he wanted you all to know that he is not in the mood for second chances and is over it. #bye

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