Where did you get those kids
Meeting new people can be fun. We have all rehearsed the condensed bio that we share with others when the moment comes. I was out with friends this past week and I met a potential hangout buddy for the first time. She started to ask me questions about myself, which was cool; I took my turn as well. It turns out we have quite a bit in common. The interesting thing about this exchange, was when we got to the “Oh your kids live with you?” “Why don’t they live with their mom?” “Is she dead?”
Normally, I am not offended by this question, this time was no different. This time, rather than give my standard sarcastic answer, laugh, say something inappropriate, laugh, I tried to answer authentically. The truth is, I don’t have an answer. Honestly, I didn’t think I needed one. She sat there holding her breath, waiting for my reply. The look on my face (always gives me away) told her that my response was not going to be what she had in mind. There is really a more important question here.
Why is a father raising his children questionable
Unfortunately, divorce is common. There are statistics from here to the moon about people and what happens when their relationships don’t go as planned. What is less common, or less documented is the countless men out there raising their children post divorce. It is really time that society stop being so hypocritical about normative gender roles.
Think about it, there is really no difference. Everyone knows women cannot conceive without men, or at least their biological fluids. Why is it uncommon for fathers to take care of their kids when the relationship ends? Honestly, I get it. I understand that mothers are an integral part of taking care of and making families. I also understand that typically mothers are taking care of kids. There is another little discussed fact. There are tons of shitty mothers out there, in fact, there are as many as there are absentee / irresponsible fathers.
Faulty statistics don’t prove shit.
If you have a basic understanding of math, you know that statistics can be manipulated into saying whatever you want them to. Regarding fathering after divorce, I have seen all kinds of articles that “prove” that men are just irresponsible, and not raising their kids. Look at this:
“So you just added those up huh? Ignore the fact that they are different category populations. O.K.” The short summary following these observations fail even more. Still wondering where the author found the courage to present these “facts” in an academic context.
We should remember that statistics don’t prove shit. You can find statistics to support almost any position. The advice pictured above is given by someone who poses as a certified family and marriage counselor. Let’s just assume that this certification was bought rather than earned. It’s sad that women show such low respect for one another that they make negative assumptions. If a mother and father agree that he should be the primary caregiver, there should not be an associated stigma. For all those that see fit to judge situations into which they have no insight, how about you find a smidge of business and a dash of self-respect.
As a society, we need to abandon the continued marginalization of the father in the home and as an independent caregiver. After all, how many b-list movies include the wayward son that is sent to live with his father?
Maybe it’s just me
I have only ever been asked, “Why don’t your kids live with their mom?” by women. The implication is that something has gone wrong. That’s a faulty assumption. When a marriage dissolves, how do the husbands / fathers suddenly become incapable of taking care of the family unit?
During the marriage, from a traditional perspective, it is a man’s job to provide both financially and emotionally for his family. When the marriage is over does that job vanish along with it? Fathers are capable of raising kids. Men everywhere are doing it daily, and will continue. There is a thing as a single-father. Surely you have seen Big Daddy!
Since I am so kind and generous, and I really want to help people. 😉 Here are some tips to help the busy bodies get life together instead of worrying about kids they aren’t supporting.
“5 steps to get yo life and avoid embarrassment”
1. Many men are not like your dad
2. Possibly, most men are not like your ex-husband
3. I am not your baby daddy
4. Forget all those episodes of Maury you watched
5. That story your girlfriend told you about her husband / baby daddy was more about her than it was about him
“If you are interested in more tips on “How to get yo life” , please subscribe below or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Look forward to hearing from you.” #informercial #tips #winnersdontworry #babydaddysunite #iaintsorry