You have a millennial who will not move out?

Welcome back folks!  The QOTD (question of the day) comes from our nosy friend Robyn.  Robyn listens to the complaints of her co-workers.  She has clearly taken lending an ear one step further than required.

She asks,

” What is your opinion about young adults that choose deliberately to stay with their parents after they pass adulthood? I am talking for people above 22~25 yo that prefer to stay with their parents…I believe it makes you become less assertive with your life…and it is a major turn off as I have seen many of them having trouble connecting with other people.”

Just a little shadow and not complete shade

As is customary, before I actually go ahead an answer the question, I have a couple of words for Robyn.

  1. If I were your co-worker, and I found out that you had written in to a website to get an answer to some business that isn’t even yours, it would be our last day working together.  YOU FEEL ME?
  2. I assume you mean well, but you are nosy AF, like really really nosy.
  3. Thank you for your question, because I’m nosy too and I would never want to miss the opportunity to get the scoop!  😛

All young people are different

It is pretty obvious that all young people are not the same.  The problem is, while we know and acknowledge this, we continue to force our youth down a uniform path of development.  Imagine that some children are more artistic than others.  Artists have a very different path to success than those who choose more stereotypical normal careers.

Many artists go to school for 4-6 years to develop their skills in a particular medium, but discovery or  critical acclaim will vary  according to a variety of influences beyond their control.

Others, who decide to attend college for accounting will spend roughly the same amount of time developing their skills, but they will likely find a job before their artistic contemporaries are discovered.

Young people are often adversely impacted by those who wield influential power over them. Click To Tweet

“As clinicians and educators, I think we have collectively failed to monitor our own thinking about this population. We know that thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings can lead to actions. Are we applying this knowledge to ourselves in our work with young adults?

We should acknowledge that we have chosen certain beliefs about young adults and, as such, these cognitive structures are negatively influencing our experience of working with this population.

Who determines what is normal? Struggling is a word often used with this population. They are certainly not thriving and not succeeding like their counterparts, who have not been labeled as “struggling.” Even the term late bloomer, which on the surface seems gentler, indicates that these individuals are not on time in their development.”

Real is still real

Does this mean that we should allow kids to stay at home with a clock that never runs out?  That would be a hell no!  There has to be some structure around the choices that young people make.

A free ride is not good for anyone.  This is the perfect age to remind them that the life they live is not really their own.  Allowing them to stay and taking care of them is two very different things.

While you don’t want them to be homeless, this does not mean that you have to make it easy.  Don’t do their laundry.  Stop buying their favorite snacks from the grocery store.

Remove as many luxuries as possible to make sure that their discomfort is their motivator.  Also, consider putting some timelines in place.  Make sure they know that even though they are not in their chosen profession, the will need a job and an actionable plan.  I think you get my point Robyn.

Now put this in your own words and tell your co-worker, plagiarism is not a victim-less crime.  😯

Have a question that you need a good real answer to.  Email me!

 

8 comments

  1. Great points, Regg! From what I’ve read, a lot of millenials are actually moving back in with their parents because they can’t afford to live on their own and can’t find a well paying job. I agree that the “freeloaders,” especially those 30yo or older need to grow up if they’re not even trying to make it on their own or contribute to their parents’ household.

    1. Morgan, I have heard some people saying that. I would love to know what’s creating that dynamic for millennials. Is hard to find jobs or is it hard to find the kind of creative jobs that many millennials are interested in? I always hear them say I don’t want the job my parents had. Something to think about I guess.

  2. You know there are cultures that encourage their children to stay at home, finish college, get a good job, and move out when they get married. I think as long as those things I mentioned are the goal and end result, that it’s ok (notice I said ‘think’). Now on the flip side if the kid is just lazy or a dreamer waiting for life to hand them something, then they have to get out and figure it out because that’s now how any of this works 🤷.

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