When I got home all the stuff was gone!
Didn’t you say that you were always going to be there for me? (#sobbing) Was the last time we talked really the last time we would talk? (#cussin) I can’t believe this shit! When I got home all the stuff was gone Thomas, who does that kind of shit!
This was the snippet of conversation overheard, while I pressed the hell out of the elevator button. All I wanted to do was get down to the little convenience store at work, so I could buy something wayyyy to salty or wayyyy to sweet. (Don’t judge me dammit; I get really sleepy at work.) It was all I could do not to stare. I really wanted to say… “What he do?!”, but I am almost positive that is frowned on.
When I came back upstairs, she was gone. I decided I would find her and give her some unsolicited advice, even though I really don’t know the entire story. (#messy #itrytohelp) I found her, but decided again, this would be frowned on and so decided to mind my business. Instead, we are going to have a little chat about some of the things I really wish she knew. For the sake of conversation, we will call her “pretty young thang”.
We can’t always plan our drama but PYT shouldn’t have been having that conversation in the entrance at work. At the very least, go to the car and cuss him out. First of all PYT, at some point, you have to figure out how to stop being let down by others. Let down to the point that you are destroyed when things don’t go as you imagined.
Do you hear yourself?
Do you hear what you sound like, at work no less? What do you mean do I hear myself? Of course I do! This is the imaginary dialogue I wanted to have with “PYT”. I would then say to her, “You should hear yourself more loudly and more clearly than anyone else. What are you telling you about you? Are you reminding yourself of all the times that you have failed, present relationship clearly included, or are you really trying to get yourself together?”
Welcome to the show
I talk with, and overhear conversations from, people all the time (more than I would like even), and I have found that honesty flourishes in an unconscious way. People pretend to have confidence rather than actually living it. It’s the show, or the active performance that hides the truth, and ultimately destroys these “manufactured” relationships. After all, you can only fool folks for so long. The mask eventually comes off.
- When the show begins, everyone wants to make sure they are giving a 5 star performance. This is when we tell and show everything we want others to know about us. We share accolades, the best bits of our personalities, the things that attract others in the first place.
- During intermission, we begin to soften and let our guard down. When we have those everyday conversations about preferences and perspectives the 4th wall begins to crumble.
- Finally, we begin to let it slip. We say things like… I’m not good at reading, or I can’t cook very well, those innocent things that we say about ourselves to express our insecurities and show the breaks in our confidence.
At long last the show is over and we finally decide to risk being ourselves. Seeds of doubt are sown and mistrust increases. But why? Why is this a perceived risk? Are you being honest with yourself and the folks around you?
Stop trying to Crowdsource your confidence
Being yourself feels like a risk because we have spent so much time constructing cocoons of fiction that we never quite believe in, but are you really foolish enough to think that others do. No one was ever meant to exist this way. This fear can only be fixed internally, no one else can help you but you.
Seriously, stop the madness. Where is your confidence? No one thinks what you want them to think about you. Truthfully, it’s really none of your business what they think of you. What we really need to be concerned with is being half the person we pretend to be. At some point, we have to decide to get our shit together. Like “today not tomorrow”. The negativity that we all experience from time to time is normal. If we didn’t have a bad day occasionally, the people around us would have probably punched us in the face by now. What isn’t normal, is residing in a negative space for too long.
One positive step at a time
The least I can do after putting PYT, you, and me on the spot is offer some pearls for making it better. Make a conscious effort to stop placing limitations on yourself… words like I can’t … or I’m no good at… should be removed not only from your audible conversations but they should also be removed from your thinking. Now let Mary minister to you…
Rehearse these things and not the fiction, and what you will see is your truth personified. Keep on trying to figure it all out, that is where we all are.