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This evening I was sitting on my sofa, getting ready to catch up on the latest episode of “Ray Donovan”. This season has been sad, so I watch it while I am in a good mood. My phone rings, and it’s a friend who has tried to work through a plan to make life a little less awful. I prepare myself for what I know will be emotionally demanding, and perhaps deplete my limited patience. Excuses sound reasonable because they give us what we need in times of complacency and fear, but what are we afraid of.

How it started.

Like normal, he starts out talking about work. Here we go. “When I get two more raises, I’ll be able to focus on me. Then I will be able to get back in the gym, if I lose 25 pounds then it will be easier to be in a relationship”. He has “been losing” the same 25 pounds for the 5 years we have been friends.

Not to judge, it’s hard, but knowing what I know about him, this is the latest effort to remain stagnant without feeling guilty about it. Most, if not all his excuses sound legit and feel real. Whenever we finish talking, I always ask myself why? Why do some people insist on standing in their own way? I think that some of this even applies to me, even though I don’t make calls to announce my doubts to others, I do use stall tactics.

Consider some of the things below, if this sounds like you, it’s time to implement some changes in your life.

Fear of failing

Never be afraid of failing. Believe me, I know it’s far easier to say than following through with. The best thing you can do for yourself is to decide what it is you are trying to accomplish, and take it all the way. I am as guilty as the next guy, of trying to make sure that my perfect planned results become reality, despite having no control. Imagine that. Think of the willingness to admit that you have no control of the outcome of your efforts, all the while you are still willing to try. Allow yourself the room to grow and change, and fuck up if that’s what happens. Better to fail, than to be ignorant of your true ability.

Comfortable with “right now”

I know what it feels like to be comfortable with what you know. It’s so scary to put your “right now” in jeopardy for what could be. It also seems like the more we age, the less we are willing to make some of the changes that are necessary for us to continue to evolve.

Just the other day, I was saying to another friend, how I would love to do exactly what I went to school to do. At the same time, I don’t feel like it is fair for me to elevate my dreams to a level of importance that supersedes that of my children’s sense of stability.

What that means in my life, is some of the things that I envision for myself must wait until they have launched. Is that an excuse not to change my “right now”? Of course, it is, I know what to expect today, and my unwillingness to change, even though the reason is substantive, does not mean that I can’t change and grow. Plenty of people change careers while their kids are at home, you just have to plan and execute appropriately.

Think about where you are “right now”. Decide if your “right now” is on the path toward the future you see for yourself. Don’t be afraid to decide that what you thought you wanted is no longer what you really want.


When I am feeling complacent and reluctant to pursue my dreams, this always helps me:

Today is ours, let’s live it.

And love is strong, let’s give it.

A song can help, let’s sing it.

And peace is dear, let’s bring it.

The past is gone, don’t rue it.

Our work is here, let’s do it.

The world is wrong, let’s right it.

The battle is hard, let’s fight it.

The road is rough, let’s clear it.

The future vast, don’t fear it.

Is faith asleep? Let’s wake it.

Because today is ours, let’s take it.

B. Richards

 

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