Have you heard about…
One of the perils of having men having female best friends is that you often get caught in conversational crossfire. This catty conference covers a conversation where “Woman A” has said something that “Woman B” does not like and “Woman C” who is not involved in the conversation at all, takes offense to the comment. Although “Woman C”, aka your bestie, is not involved, she is inclined to bring the topic to you and discuss it at length.
Regardless of your interest level (believe me its low), you are required to participate. Word to the wise, when your friend wants to have a conversation with you, and you are not interested in what she is saying, you better damn well act like it or you will never hear the end of it…ever! Especially with the latest trend of keeping receipts for behavior, there is always some kind of physical evidence that resurfaces to put final nail in your coffin of condemnation.
Why didn’t I realize that this would be a controversial topic? Had I known that I would be on the hot seat, I would have just nodded and kept my lips zipped. Im not sure why some women believe there is a quiet conspiracy against variations in style and texture, there is no conspiracy, from men about relaxed v. natural hair.
The way style and fashion are set up these days, hairstyles have become as varying as clothes, even when worn by one person. When I think of the all the different ways that women wear their hair, its really cool. Your personal style is an accessory to your personality. They way a woman styles her hair can vary according to her mood, her political affiliations, beliefs, customs or any number of things. Most of all, I believe women should be able to have fun with their style, not trapped or confined by convention.
Can you pick it
According to my good friend, a deeper conversation is going on behind the natural hairstyle movement. There is an automatic judgement that comes along with claiming this otherwise innocuous style for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I have heard the conversations. From the work place, to the casual stranger in public everyone has had something to say. Everyone judges everyone, it is the only way to facilitate understanding. The problem is when people consider their assumptions as fact rather than a starting point for understanding.
The odd thing is, it works both ways. The “chemical free” women, have reclaimed something that was lost to them during the relaxer revolution. They believe relaxed ladies accuse naturalistas of no longer caring about their appearance. Hair that has not been chemically treated requires much more time and effort to care for than relaxed hair. The relaxer rangers believe the naturalistas are accusing them of encouraging a disingenuous appearance. Both sides believe men want to force them into style templates created by the media, mainly focused on European standards.
There are other things to look at
From a male perspective, I don’t think that it matters. I know that men have varying degrees of interest in the female appearance, but I believe most of that has to do with weight and style more than hair. That is a completely different article and we are not inviting Pandora to dinner tonight. The hair is part of the total package. I would like to encourage all women regardless of their hair choice, to focus on what works for them , their values and their lives. Interested suitors will come.
I must admit that I get unlimited entertainment from the YouTube natural-hair care tutorials. The hosts tell other ladies to put everything from ketchup and mustard, to olive oil and mayo on their hair. Sometimes, you can’t tell if your doing a hair treatment or a salad. Best of all is when they show up to work or a date after one of those fails without being able to salvage the style! Check this out
Warning: Do not laugh while they are around if you want to live or not be verbally accosted.
Finally I’m done
If you create a style for yourself that suits you, and allows you to exude the confidence you deserve, I am all for it. If you, are unsure and need constant validation about your choice, you just keep on showing up at the salon, or popping in to the CVS to get “The Cream”. My advice, do what makes you feel best about you. Give up on trying to please people who are gonna think something very different than you intend at almost every turn.